The Adventure of Erk
by Ghost of Ivan
Summary: Thie primary genre for this is now CRUDE humor, due to how many disses are in here. This is Fire Emblem in Erks eyes, all the usual blah blah blah.I'm hoping not for flames, and this is VERY RANDOM! Chapter 7 up!
1. Ch 5: Beyond the Borders

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Erk fic.

Authors note: This is my first fic, so bear with me. Don't go thinking, "Hey cool! It's Zelda II: The Adventure of Link using Fire Emblem Characters!" If you want to know why, it's because it's not. It's just the game in Erk's perspective starting at chapter 5 and going to the end. There are going to be some major script changes, and also some conversations I made up that could happen. Still wondering about whether I should do Hector's route.

Oh well, onto the fic!!! Enjoy!!!!

Erk: Why me…

Start Chapter 5:

" Oh I'm lost!! This makes me, like, SO pissed!!!"

This was from a girl whom I have always hated. Even before I knew her. Her name was Serra, although I like to call her 'Stupid'. Heh. Then Serra, or Stupid, started up again, " Erk, like, help me get out of this forest!!! That's a command from your master!"

I replied, " Master? You? Don't make me laugh. My master is Lord Pent of Eutria Stu- I mean Serra."

She then said, " Erk, what were you going to call me?"

I replied again, " I was calling you what you are, which is-"

She interrupted, " Beautiful? Oh Erk, like, cut it out."

"No, you're STUPID!!!! Got it? S-T-U-P-I-D, STUPID!!!!"

" Don't call people who are smarter than you stupid!"

" Fine miss 'I'm the smartest', what's the square route of pi squared?"

" Uh… 2?"

"No, it's pi. So I'm smarter than you."

" That's no fair! I suck at mathematics!"

" Whatever…"

I thought to myself , ' Might as well get myself lost in these woods. Watch Stupid get killed by an archer. So I'll get to keep the money and my nerves.' But I failed at getting lost, because stupid old Serra was following me. She says, ' Oh, like, Erk Protect me because I… continues ranting' Yeah, I can't believe I'm stuck escorting her. And then the noise of a battle came into Serra's ears and she just grabbed my arm and ran through the forest and onto the plains. What an idiot. Then Stupid said, " Look it's a girl fighting the bandits! A girl! And she's killing stuff better than you Erk…"

I replied, " Just shut up already will you!?"

" No!!! I will not shut up you censored!!!"

Oh well. There goes that plan. I need to get her stuck in a tree. Then this bandit archer saw, but probably heard, Serra yelling like an idiot. So the Archer says, " Yarrg!! I'm crazy Steve!!! And now I'm gonna kill you two wit' dis' bow I polished two minutes ago! Wait, two of you, I polished my bow two minutes ago…"

I added, " And Stupid here and I were here for two minutes…"

So Crazy Steve finishes, " And I've known you for two minutes! How Ironic!!!"

I said, " Ditto.", but then I whispered to Crazy Steve, " I'll give you 540 gold if You kill her."

Crazy Steve whispers back, " No thanks, but you can go higher."

" How about 720 gold?"

" No. higher."

" How about 1200 gold!?" I whispered, almost talking too loud.

" Done and done!!!" Crazy Steve yelled out. Every one( except me) looked at him like he'd grown another head.

So Crazy Steve Attacks, or starts to attack, Serra but then she's like, " Ahhh! Erk, like, help me!!!" So she grabs me and uses me as a human shield. And I get pelted with a polished arrow.

I than say to Crazy Steve, " I thought you said you just polished the bow, not the arrows."

So Crazy Steve says, " No!!!!! I told a lie! Here's your 1200 gold back, and can you kill me?"

" I guess so." After I said that I did a special Fire move and killed him in one hit. Crazy Steve seemed to like it, no wonder his name is Crazy Steve, he is crazy!

Then that girl Serra was talking about came over to talk with us. She said, " Why are you two fighting these bandits?"

So I say, hoping to get out of this mess, " It just happened."

Then Stupid comes back in and yells, " That's not true!!! They thought we were with you!!!! You got us into this, and now-"

I covered her mouth to make her shut up, " Excuse me but trouble yourself no longer with us."

But then the girl said, " But were both fighting the bandits, right? So then why don't we work together?"

Then Serra came back in the conversation, " Yes, that is a good idea!! Come now Erk, be a good boy and fight."

So I said, " But… I… Fine!!!"

So the Girl said, " Good choice, My name is Lyn, and you are?"

Than Serra said, " My name is Serra a Lycian priestess, and this is my escort, -"

Lyn interrupted, " Yeah Erk I know, I heard you shouting for crying out loud!!!"

Right. First I'm stuck escorting Serra, now I'm dragged into a battle that could have been avoided, and Serra's too stupid to see that I'm in pain. Whoopee. Not. Now I saw this really huge( well he wasn't that huge, but still pretty big) guy and I meekly said, " Hello."

The Giant guy said, " Hello. My name is Dorcas, and don't be afraid, I won't hurt you."

Yeah, I've gotten to know Dorcas pretty well now. So then after I meet Dorcas, Serra finally notices the blood path I left. Wow, even I forgot. And when Serra goes to heal me Dorcas pushes her out of the way and hands me a vulnerary. I said, " Thanks" as I applied it and gave it back to him.

I've gotten to know this group in a short amount of time by studying the members of the group, and some help from Dorcas. Heres my list:

Lyn: The 'Leader' of the group. Apparently tomboyish, but can still act like a girl, but hardly.

Mark: He says he's the tactician. But I usually see him screaming for help.

Kent: He acts like a true knight sometimes, but is usually chasing Sain around to prevent him from being an Idiot.

Sain: He seems to be obsessed with women, because he's always hitting on them. No wonder Kent is always chasing him around.

Florina: A Pegasus Knight. Rather timid around men, but I don't usually go around her so I don't care.

Wil: Pretty much my opposite. He gets the positive ideas first, and I get negative, he's always happy, I'm usually never happy.

Dorcas: Pretty much my only friend as of now, he's usually quiet.

That's everyone. Oh well. If any others join I'll have to write about them too. Hah hah. Well later There's only the leader left, and Wil is being happy and attacking at the same time. I don't get why he can do that. Later, Sain Starts to attack the boss. After a while, the boss has little Hp and Dorcas hits him with his Iron axe. Then after that, the battle finally ends and I continue to escort Serra to Ostia. Then Sain come and starts hitting on Serra, and trying to bribe her into some deviousness that I don't want to know. The thing is, I'm staying fighting for Lyn and Mark.

My final list( not character notes) of allies:

Friend: Dorcas.

Ally: Sain, Wil.

Neutral: Kent, Lyn, Florina.

Enemy: Serra.

Oh well, onto wherever-the-heck-Lyn-is-going.

END

Me( GoE): Yay!! That took me a long time, but I did it! Sorry to all Serra fans for major disses to Serra, but, Erk doesn't like her, and neither do I, so… you get my point.

Erk A late reminder: GoE doesn't own Fire Emblem, but he does own a Fire Emblem Cartridge.

GoE: Yeah, I forgot okay? R&R, or read & review!!

Erk: GoE, R&R and Read & Review mean the same thing.

GoE: Whatever.


	2. Ch 6: Blood of Pride

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Erk fic

Chapter 2: Ch. 6: Blood of Pride

GoE: Hi again! Welcome to another supposedly funny and very random and seemingly- wait… I'm not supposed to be here! IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!

Erk: Oh well. Why did he have to write this and torture me?

Ratchet: I don't know. But there's nothing fun to do without Ghost around.

Nina: If you say torturing is fun, I agree.

Erk: Lets Torture the reviewers.

All: YEAH!!

Ratchet: Okay, ALMOST all of the reviewers. We only got 3 reviews, one was good and the rest were flames.

Erk: I had to spend 1200 FREAKIN' GOLD ON A NEW CAPE!!

Ratchet: Right, and I had to pay 150000 Bolts to get my Infernox Armour's Hellfire technology fixed. Anyway, TORTURE THE REVIEWERS!!!

Macross-Green: Thanks for being: A: the first reviewer. B: The best reviewer. And C: the nicest reviewer!! For that you get 3 cookies, okay I'm broke. Anyway, I didn't really notice I made Erk be sarcastic. I need to know what you mean by detailed, because if I make it too detailed, it'll be boring, but if a make it hardly detailed, it won't be understandable.

Megan ): Okay, I got a few things to tell you: 1: I KNOW THAT KATE IS IVANFANATIC!! 2: I used proper grammar, or apparently, you don't know the meaning of 'Proper Grammar and not some internet grammar crap'. 3: I'm thinking you're a Serra fan, so that could be the reason you didn't think its funny. I should've marked Crude Humor instead. HAHAHAHA!!

......: Okay, for your review, you get a free one-way trip to a black hole 2.3 billion light years away from Earth, with no way to commit suicide!!! Okay, that was the worst reviewer reward. Okay, you're about to get a long and dull lecture on: Why this story isn't a ripoff on ivanfanatic's 'The Diary of Erk'. Reason number one is because The diary of Erk starts at around chapter 18-20, while thists at CHAPTER 5! Also, charactors will have different personalities than in-

Nina: ( Vaporizes ......): I'm an evil scientist's apprentice what did you expect? This isn't a game.

Okay, NO MORE LECTURE!!! WHOO!!!

Ratchet: Son of a Qwark!

Erk: Ratchet, you weren't doing that?

Ratchet: I wasn't doing that, I had Clank do the lecture.

Erk & Nina: Oh.

Ratchet: Onto the fic, oh yeah, if I see ...... again, they're gonna be so sorry for living to send that review!! I use my RYNO3!!!

THE FIC!!!!

" With the help of a Mage and a Cleric, now in Lyn's group, She crosses the Lycian border. She has yet to know of what is coming."

Boring. Boring. Boring. Araphan: Stupid. Serra: Stupid. Dorcas: Friend. Okay now, looks like I'm just here slouching about, and talking to Dorcas, until Kent comes back to tell Lyn, Sain, and Zach( He said he had forgot his name was Zach and thought it was Mark) about Marquess Araphan's news, or something. When Kent finally gets back, I see a guy in a cape with dirty-blond hair, so I say hi. And he said, " Crap, I'm a goner now. PLEASE SPARE ME!! Wait, you're not gonna kill me? YAY!! My name's Matthew, what's yours?"

So Dorcas and I tell Matthew our names, but I asked him, " Why did you think we were going to kill you?"

" Because I'm a theif. I steal crap. I thought I would have been on Wanted posters with a 1000 gold reward."

Dorcas said, " Well, you aren't. But if you were, I would trick the gaurds into giving me the money first then let you escape."

" You'd do that?"

" Yes. I need the money for my wife's medicine. I'm sure 1000 gold would help. And you're a friend, sort of. I'd never send you to a place you don't belong."

" Cool!! Now, I'm going to hide in a village and watch a fight. Okay?"

I said, " Sure. See you again sometime!"

So Dorcas and I walk back to the group where Zach is yelling, " RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!"

So I look up and see why Zach was screaming. The castle was on fire. So some bandit assassin dude runs up to Lyn and says, " You're gonna die if you don't shut that bastard up!" Zach didn't stop screaming. So the guy said, " DIE YOU BI-"

His line was cut short by an arrow, that wasn't one of Wil's. I'm sitting at the side, eating popcorn when this happens. Some Nomad comes up to Lyn and says, " Aw nuts! I made a mistake! I thought a Sacaen-"

Lyn interrupted," But I am from Sacae! I'm of the Lorca Tribe!"

" The Lorcas, there were survivors? COOL!"

" Yes, I was the only one, I think, to get away safely."

" 'Kay. Then I'll help you. I'm Rath. I shoot from my horse."

Zach says, " COOL! AN ARCHER ON A HORSE! DID YA HEAR THAT WIL? AN ARCHER ON A HORSE!"

New Notes:

Matthew: A theif. Also has bad relations with stupid Serra.

Rath: A nomad. Doesn't really talk.

Wil ignored him, and I ignored Rath and Lyn talking, so I have no idea what they said. So then I remember about Matthew, I knew the village he was in, so I went there, and he joined the journy. Matt picks a lock, and Rath steps on a switch. Nothing happins. He steps on itagain. Nothing happened. He starts to jump on the switch.Nothing happens. I walk over to the switch and pulled off the fake switch. Rath was fuming, but everyone was laughing, except Serra. She's stupid. So Rath steps on the real switch and a wall blows up, and dumb ol' Supid gets her hair burnt. So Matt runs over to the chest and trys to pick it, but it was taking too long so I just torched the lock and it fell off. So Matt steals a door key from this soldier and Dorcas cuts him in two symetrical parts. Meanwhile, on the other half, Sain and Kent were arguing( They were that loud) over who got the door key. Sain had won the key, unlocked the door so kent could kill the soldier, then Sain stepped on the switch 2 seconds after Matt got the armourslayer from the chest. Another wall blew up, taking out one of Stupid's pigtail... thingamajiggys. So Lyn killed an archer, then wil killed an Archer, so I Magic'd the boss. He died quickly. So Matt got to the last switch and pressed it and Lyn and Rath ran through the newly exploded wall. I didn't bother to follow them, so Here's my final status:

Friend: Dorcas, Matthew.

Ally: Sain, Wil

Neutral: Lyn, Florina, Rath, Kent.

Enemy: Serra.

Okay. My notes for this chapter are done. so now this thing can- wait, Lyn and Rath are coming back out, I hope this isn't a crap coversation, wait, it is. I'm not listening to them but instead, I ran away from Serra. My life sucks.

THE END!!!

Ratchet: WHERE IS THAT SON/DAUGHTER OF A QWARK ......!!!! I'LL KILL HIM/HER!!!

Erk: Calm down, torturing the reviewers will scare them.

Nina: ...

GoE: I'm Back!!

Ratchet: Yay! The Ghost is back!

GoE: Yes, I am. I was out buying a flamesheild!

Ratchet: YAY!! No 150000 bolts for Hellfire repair!

Erk: YAY! No 1200 For a new cape!

GoE: Oh yeah, I also bought... This!! A Firewall upgrade! It uses Hellfire X technology with imported carbonox and infernox elements to create a perfect firewall!

All 4: YAY!!

Ratchet: GoE doesn't own Fire emblem, R&R, and ......, YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!!


	3. Ch 7: Siblings Abroad

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Erk fic.

Ch. 3: Ch. 7; Siblings abroad

GoE: Hi!! I had school. That slowed my update speed. I got all this freakin' reading homework, but it's the long weekend! YAY!!

Erk: If you want to know, he's supposedly a walking S.S. book.

GoE: A kid just called me that.

Erk: Right...

Ratchet: Anyway, this chapters reviews were better. There's one from ch. 1 here though. The R. R.

TheMetaKnight (Ch.1): Heh, good suggestions. I'm going to try to find some stories written by these people and torch 'em. And that was a good sword. Oh yeah, let your sword be pointy too! ()x(; Remember, the Wind Fish is Watching.

Zed21: Wow. I'm glad you think this is a great work. I thought people would say it sucked, but I really don't care. I kinda knew it wasn't a flame.

Macross-Green: So that's what you meant by detail. I'll try to get some between battle stuff in here. Also, the so-and-so saves so-and-so part might come into play. As for Zach, I intentionally made him a wuss. It adds humor, and having him being dragged behind Sain's horse is a good idea. I'm not gonna tell you-

Erk: Yet.

Ratchet: Yeah, what he said. Don't be suprised if it comes up!

GoE: Wow. The crap I bought works!! I'M GETTING GOOD REVIEWS! YAY!!!

Ratchet: Onto... THE FIC!!! Wait, where'd I put that freakin' video camera.

THE FIC!!!

" Lyn's group was traveling from Khathelet, with a hell-bent..."

" You do know that's next chapter?"

" Oops. I meant, Traveling to Caelin, the group stops at Khathelet for some R&R when a young boy pleads to them."

Just outside of Khathelet Zach is Whineing, " I'm so damn tired!"

Lyn snapped back, " I told you if you said that again I'll tie you up behind Florina's pegasus!"

" Then do it, little-miss-badass-pants!"

So Lyn Ties Zach on one end of a rope, and ties the other to Florina's pegasus. Then she had Florina fly at high speeds. Zach was screaming. Really, realy, loud. Louder than the cry of a Banshee, and more hideous than the cry of a Combustion. When Lyn told Florina to stop, Zach had boards circling around his head and said, " Ooh... I see stars..."then he... I won't tell you. Don't try guessing it either.

So later, the group finally gets to Khathelet for some much needed R&R. Then a young boy comes up out of nowhere and says, " Please Peoples!! You gotta help me!! These bas-err... evil dudes captured Ninian-"

Sain Interrupted, " Ninian? Well I suppose-"

Lyn interrupted too, " Sain, shut the hell up."

" Okay."

The young boy continued, " Ahem... Ninian is my sister! Please help me!!! I can't beat these bas- err... evil dudes by myself!!"

Lyn said, " Okay, I'll help you. I won't like it, but I'll help you."

" YAY!! I got help! My name is Nils. What's yours?"

" My name is Lyn, the brown hair guy is Sain, the guy chasing him is Kent, The Pegasus Knight is Florina, The Archer is Wil, The girl with the staff is Serra, The nomad is Rath, The shady guy is Matthew-"

Matthew interrupted, " I perefer to be called Matt!"

" Yeah Matt whatever. The axefighter is Dorcas, and the guy with the hood is, um..., err... oh yeah! He's Erk!"

Yeah, good job Lyn, forgetting my name! Anyway, A dude with long hair comes up, but I knew the guy was a boy. I don't know why, I just do. But, unfortuanately, Sain didn't. Sain said, " What have we here? A-"

The guy interrupted, " I'd prefer not to be gay!"

" What!? You're a Boy!?"

" Yes, I just can't cut my hair."

" Oh, hehe... sorry" Sain backed off, a lot.

The guy continued, " I'd like to help this boy, if only nothing. My name is Lucius, an Elimine-"

Zach interrupted( Man, what's with all the interrupting?), " BISHOP!? Yay! Hey Serra, this guy can kick your ass!"

Lucius said, " Actually, I'm a monk, a person who can use light magic but not staves."

" Oh."

Okay. Onto the battle. As usual now, Zach takes out his chessboard and put pieces on it, the people who had pieces were:

Lyn: Queen.

Kent: Knight.

Sain: Knight.

Wil: Pawn.

Florina: Rook.

Dorcas: Pawn.

Serra: Bishop.

Me: Pawn.

Matt: Pawn.

Rath: Rook.

Nils: Pawn.

Lucius: Bishop.

I honestly don't get why he used Chess pieces when clearly, pieces for dungeons and dragons would be better. Oh well. So Zach sees a shaman, or one of the bas-err... evil dudes Nils was talking about. So Kent had to teach him the trinity of Magic, or the Magic Triangle. So His 'brilliant' plan is to send Florina alone over a mountain to make a bridge. She almost got killed and Zach had to run away from Lyn's Sword. Oh wait a second, oh yeah!! Here are my charactor notes!

Nils: A Bard. He hops around and plays a flute. What more can you want?

Lucius: A Monk. He uses Light magic, which is useful for killing Shamans.

Okay. That's over with, so back to the battle. Dorcas, Matt, Lucius, and I take a path to the village, although Dorcas and Lucius had to hold Matt down to prevent him from going to steal everything. I get some Pure Water and I toss it Lucius, who catches it easily, somehow. So then when the party of 4 I'm in takes off to the boss. When a Mage gets in Lucius's way, before he started chanting his fire spell, I fried him. So when Lucius got to the boss, Dorcas and I, ( Matt was busy getting yelled at by some guy) were nearly getting killed by shamans. Honestly, if it's Serra, I'd suicide, but In will not commit kamikaze. The boss guy said, " Soooooo... Yooouu wannnnnnt too helllp theee chilldrennn? III Thinnnk nnnott!"

So Lucius uses the Pure Water, which made him pretty much immune to the bosses attacks. After a long strugle, the guy was almost dead. But so was Dorcas, he was having trouble with hitting this one Shaman, but just as he was about to get hit, I jumped in the way, got hit, rolled on the ground brused and battered. I don't know what happned next, because after that I used the last of my energy to conjure a fire spell then laid unconcius.

After a long time of stuff which I have missed, Matt and I were spying on Lyn. She was running around the castle, looking for Ninian, then after a while, a guy with red hair and a blue cape with cheesy hero music came in holding a girl, who I thought was Ninian. The guy said, " Is this the girl you're looking for?" When Lyn answered yes, He continued, " Okay then. I am Eliwood, son of Marquess Pherae. I found her unconcius lying on the bathroom sink. Was I wrong to involve myself?"

Lyn said, " DAMN!! I knew I should've checked the John!"

Then a voice out of nowhere said, " HELP!!! I'M BEING SUCKED BY A WORMHOLE!!!!"

Eliwood said, " SHUT UP MARCUS!!"

Then a voice said, " Don't pay attention to the camera!"

So then after a long while of talking, which I slept through, Lyn and Eliwood were done talking when Ninian said her ring was missing. So Lyn wants to find it. Whee. It sucks to be me.

Final Notes:

Friend: Dorcas, Matt, Lucius.

Ally: Wil.

Neutral: Lyn, Kent, Sain, Zach, Florina, Rath.

Enemy: Serra.

THE END!!

GoE: That's another chapter!

Erk: GoE doesn't own Fire Emblem.

Nina: ...

Ratchet: YES!!! I got it!!

Nina: Got what?

Ratchet:What happened to Marcus.

GoE: Looks like we got another movie. Get your popcorn and soda, here it is!!

THE VIDEO!!!

Marcus was being sucked up by a wormhole and got transported to the 21st dimention. Technecly, he was in the world of the Poke'mon. When a girl said, " God old man, who the fuckin' hell are you?"

Then a Boy said, " GO PIKACHU!! ZAP CANON!!"

Then Marcus was shocked, fried, burnt, and went to hell and came back.

THE END!!!

GoE: That was random.

Ratchet: Oh well, R&R!!


	4. Ch 7x: The Black Shadow

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Erk fic.

Ch. 4: Ch. 7x; The Black Shadow

GoE: DANGIT! WHERE IS THAT VOL. 174 OF MY NP SUBSCRIPTION?

Erk: Oops. Sorry.

GoE: (Reads) Okay, I got the title right.

Ratchet: Uhh. Yeah sure. Anyway. I'm not going to do the review responces.

Nina: Ratchet, you were hired to do the review responces.

Ratchet: ... It sucks because you're right. Anyway, the responces, there's one from Ch. 1, don't ask:

Fire Emblem Fan( Ch. 1): How about you read the story before you flame? You never know.

Macross-Green: yeah, Zap Canon hit because, somehow( don't ask), I remembered when I was younger and was obsessed with Poke'mon, and My Zap Canon hit opponents with higher speed than Marcus. Anyway, I'm glad you think this is funny!

Canas-Obsession: Okay... Lucky for you I understood most of your review, glad you think it's funny.

Me(1st review): I thought this fic was okayish, and I knew Rath spoke unnessicary, and you spelt diary wrong.

Me(2nd review): You noticiced? Good for You.

Ratchet: That was short. YAY!

Nina: Thanks to Macross-Green who had reviewed all Chapters before GoE started the next one, no, he didn't wait until Macross-Green reviewd to start a new chapter.

Erk: Yeah, that. Onto the... uhh... FIC!

THE FIC!

" Lyn's group heads toward the opposing stronghold, with a hell-bent group following them, all for stupid piece of jewlry, or something."

" They're Gonna Ambush us! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE WER'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Zach had screamed when the opposing group was about 1500 yards away from them.

Lyn said, " Zach, calm down before I cut you up."

" O-Key-Doe-Key!"

I whispered to Dorcas, " Was he always an idiot?"

He nodded. In hated Zach more now. First: Becausde he's an idiot, and second: Because he LISTENED to Stupid and made HER lead MY squad. How stupid can he get? The world may never know. When we finally get to the enemy stronghold, Ninian says, " J-Just forget about the ring. I wouldn't mind if you didn't get it back." And Serra AGREED!

Honestly, how stupid was that, we walk about 1 mile to get here, and now we have to go back, and Serra AGREED? Oh wait, she's on Sain's horse, trying to hitch a ride on a horse. Zach and Lyn didn't care and went in anyway, so everyone else followed. When in the stronghold it appeared Zach was a new person now, because he wasn't an idiot, kind of. He sent Matt and I( He thought I was a theif too) to spy on the enemy. There was this mercenary guy and some girl on a horse, they talked, but I didn't listen, so Matt and I went back, and Zach was an idiot again. Okay, Serra is trying to get Zach to not put me in so he could put in Rath. It appeared Zach didn't listen and took out Serra for Rath. I was cracking up on the floor until Zach kicked me. Since Serra wasn't in the battle, I got to lead my Squad of Dorcas, Matt, Lucius, Nils( Matt and I saw a chest in a room, so Nils will help Matt get it), Rath( Cracked wall), Wil( Same as Rath), and I. Lyn's group, going through the bloody hallway, was made of Lyn, Kent, Sain, Florina,and Zach, who grabbed a 10-pound axe from the wall and tries to swing it around, but he can't do it, so he leaves it blocking the entrance, not because it will prevent enemy escape, but because he got it there and he was lazy. Rath and Wil easily break the wall, and Matt runs in and grabs the Hammer in the chest. The other thief was so pissed he wet himself. So Dorcas seperated him from his limbs, and Matt took a LockPick from the dead thief. So my group went forward to the bosses room, only to find that Lyn's group was already there. Lyn was fighting the boss. They were swinging their swords at each other, and noone was getting hit. So then the boss threw his sword at Lyn when she was charging at him, and Lyn got hit and flew back wounded. So Sain stepped in to fight, so the they were swinging thier swords at each other. At sometime Sain had cut the bosses arm off, so Sain said," Ha Victory is mine!"

The boss said," Ha! Never!"

" What the hell do you mean, your arms off!"

"No it isn't!"

Sain pointed at the bosses cut off arm, "Then Whats that?"

"It is a cut."

"A cut?"

"I've had worse."

"You lie!"

So Sain and the boss start fighting again, and at one time, the boss charges at the area where Lyn is, but then Sain cuts his other arm off and says," Ha! Now victory is surely mine!"

Then the boss starts kicking Sain and says," You will never win!"

"What do mean? You've got no arms left!"

" Yes I do."

"Well then what are those?"

" It is a mere flesh wound."

So then Sain gets pissed and cuts off one of the bosses legs and says," There is no way fo you to win."

The boss starts hopping on one foot and trying to kick Sain with the stub of his leg. So then Sain gets pissed and cuts the bosses other leg off, and says," You know what? We'll call it a draw."

The boss says," Oh, I see it now, running away eh? YOU BLUE BASTARDS! GET BACK HERE! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!"

So he group leaves the delimbed boss where he is and finds the treasure room with Ninian's ring in it. So the group goes outside and gives Ninian her ring back. She says," Thanks, but you didn't need to do it."

Lyn says," But we did it anyway."

I hate this.

Lyn acts like an idiot, Zach acts like an idiot, Serra acts like an idiot, Heck, nearly EVERYONE acts like an idiot. I hope that Zach decides that being a tactition isn't right for him and retires to be a, moronic idiot, or something. Who knows? He might get paid 10gp an hour, or something.

Final Statistics:

Friend:Dorcas, Matthew, Lucius

Allies: none

Neutral: Lyn, Kent, Sain, Florina, Wil, Rath, Nils.

Enemy: Serra.

THE END!

GoE: Hah. That was funny, and hard...to...type...(collapses).

Erk: He does have a point.

Ratchet: R&R! please. And GoE doesn't own Fire Emblem, or anything that has to do with this and later chapters.

Nina: ...

Erk: If this is short, it is because GoE isn't in the writing mood now, and that also applies for if it sucked.


	5. Ch 8: Vortex of Strategy

The Adventure of Erk

Ch. 8: Vortex of Strategy

A Ghost of Erk Fic

Ratchet: GoE's still out, and...

Erk: Ratchet still thinks he owns the place.

Nina There's also a review from ch. 1 in here, because the reviewer was, drunk or something...

Ratchet: I hate responding to reviews... Here they are:

Canas-Obsession: Yeah, I understand a lot of things. Looks like the chapter didn't suck... or something. Glad you think it's funny!

wallaceluver( Ch. 1): I LIVE IN THE USA AND I'M NOT A JAP! I told you it's crude humor, but some people don't know what it means, you have to wear this dunce hat you bloody bastard! P.S.: Wallace and You are Faggots... Fag...

JSB: I kinda knew adding what I did could ruin it, I just was braindead at the moment, and that was the only idea I had.

Sami the Archangel(All): Thanks for reviewing most of the chapters. I know this is funny. I kind of used some of my personality for Erk's, particulary the sarcastic bit. Glad you like it!

Celtic Guardian 7: ... glad you like it? Not sure whether you actually do or it's just because you're an Erk Fangirl.

Zed21: Not that I have any idea in the name of Chaos, ruler of the six circles of hell, what VCE is, but good luck with that, if it's still being done, or whatever. I do go braindead at times, so that could be a problem for my update speed. Glad you like it!

simiteen: I know. I did get it there because I was braindead at the moment of writing and I had just seen it, so yeah. That was one of my many favorites too. Glad you like it!

Purple Chicken Master: Please don't go dieing on me, for I will have to kill the Purple chickens! MUAHAHA! Kidding. The Marcus part was completely, 100, random, and the Tactician being an idiot is, idiodic( to the tactician at least). There will be a new, SMARTER tactician starting at Eliwood's route, because of a plot twist that will be disenclosed. But the smart tactician will be made up in funniness with Marcus, who is a complete idiot. Glad you like it!

Cool-Chan: It's ment to be random. That's what I write best... I'll shut up now.

Erk: Now that thats over with, somebody really has to get around to something...

Ratchet: I know, I scorch Wallaceluver's Ass, it's simple.

Erk: The means, hardly to nothing, as in .00000000000000000000000000...001 of GoE's personality.

Nina: Onto the fic...

THE fic...

Apparently we're getting closer to Caelin, but I still don't care. I just wanna go home or go to a library or something, just as long as Stupid's not there. Ninian and Nils join the group blah blah blah. Oh, so Nils can play Music? WHY THE HECK DOESN'T HE JOIN A BAND! Ninian can dance? WHO REALLY CARES! Thise are my feelings for those two, probably because I'm just mad at them. Now we're in some stupid field and I go somewhere else, prferrably on the other side of the mountain range. I find an Archer on the field, and he's looking on the ground for... Archer stuff. I ask him what he's looking for, and he says, " I'm lookin' for the damned bolts to the damned ballista."

I look at the ground his back is facing and see 5 bolts. I pick them up and tell him to shoot a pink haired girl with the ballista. He takes a bolt out of his hair, how it got there, I have no idea, but the ballista changes into some really cheesy canon. He aims and fires, then takes another bolt out of his hair and shoots it and takes out yet another bolt from his hair and is about to shoot it, but the gay scream of noone other than Serra and the guy is suprised and accidently shoots at Lyn and I sue him, so our opponent hires a new archer, whose, Ironicly, name is Archer. I walk back to the camp and secretly crack up at the new Serra because she's nearly bald. Then I run away like mad. When the battle FINALLY starts, I find out that Matthew had gone to attend some secret crap. Blah blah blah. Serra literally forced herself out of todays battle, but Zack had her go in anyway. He then sent Rath, Kent and Sain to the village, and sends Florina to dispatch the Ballista, and Lyn yells at him. I remember her saying, " WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN FLORINA'S GOING AGAINST THE BALLISTA? SHE'LL FUCKING DIE!"

And Zack pulls a javelin out of his giant pocket and stupid music plays. Zack then says, " Fear not, for this Javelin that has been in my pocket for 10 years is now out in fesh air."

I take a closer look, and find that the tip is blunt and rusty, the string on it fell off, and it was about half the size of Sain's shiny new Javelin. That just caused Lyn to get even more pissed so Florina had to take Sain's shiney new Javelin, which left Sain crying then Kent got pissed at Lyn for making Sain cry... why, I don't know. Whan all the arguing was already over, the boss, whose name was Yogi, was sleeping on a bear, whose name was, ironicly, Yogi. In order to kill him fairly, as Kent and Sain call it, we had to wake him up. So Wil fired a bolt at him and he was all, " AHH!WHERE THE HELL DID THIS BOLT COME FROM!MOMMY!"

The soldier nearby said, " Goddammit, the ballist must have been taken... Who the hell are you guys?"

The soldier then met Sains friend called the Iron Sword, and the soldier said,"Goddammit... but... WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?"

So then Lyn stupidly charged at Yogi with a Lanereaver when Yogi took out his... AXEREAVER! Lyn nearly died, but Florina chucked Sain's Javelin at him, put Lyn on her Pegasus, and kick Yogi in the nuts. Yogi then fell to the ground and said, " Lord Lung...dren... I pray you hurry with those reinforc-coughs up blood-ements... you promised..."

He was dead, then was un-mercifully disected by a random bypasser. Florina then fainted when the random bypasser started to cut him open, so the whole group left, Lyn of course carrying the fainted Florina. We then finally meet up with Matthew, who had went to 'sniff' for information. He had to threaten a bartender, but it was all useful... enough. All we found out was that Lundgren was poisoning Marquess Caelin blah blah blah, then Lyn gets pissed again, then Florina wakes up and Lyn calms down. So then we have to go as-fast-as-our-lazy-feet-can-take-us, or AFAOLFCTU, as Rath puts it. Whee. not.

THE END!  
Erk: Before you ask! GoE was doing diesections in his science class today, and he's a lazy bum who likes randomness and stuff.

Nina:...

Erk: this story still can use improvement...sigh

Ratchet: Anyways... R&R! Please?


	6. Ch 9: A Grim Reunion

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Erk fic.

Ch. 9: A Grim reunion.

GoI: I'm back.

Erk: From when?

Ivan: We apparently don't care.

Kratos: Took ya long enough! I was enjoying this...

Kyle: What I hate is that I'm not in it, 'cause I'M THE HERO!

Reala: (Drags Kyle out) No you aren't you dumbass!

Leon: He's as dumb as his father...

Kyle: (faded out) NOO! DAMMIT I'M THE DAMN HERO! I'M THE HERO! I HAVE STAHN BLOOD!

GoI: Wow... way too many people here. O.o

Judas: Enjoy the story.

Leon: Or else (Holds up Chal)

---

Yeah. The weirdest thing just happened. I saw a light-black haired girl in a pink dress dragging a blond boy with a sword who was sreaming, "I'M THE HERO!"

Well, weird things are always happening, nothing too new. Other than Zach being an idiot. In a new way. Yeah, he tried talking to Florina. He then got unmercifully stabbed by a screaming Florina. The bad thing was, I missed it. I was too busy dealing with another guy, who was selling odd contractions called 'Shock Boxes'. Aperrantly, if someone wears the receiver, which is a golden bracelet (Fake gold of course), pressing a button on the shock box shocks them. Note to self- Give the bracelet to Serra... Man I'm gonna have WAY too much fun with this. Maybe give one to Lyn or Zach... I have like 50 bracelets. Later, we came to a halt, I heard Kent say, "Lady Lyndis, Caelin is about two days walk from here."

Lyn looked overjoyed about that, then Sain came in and ruined the moment, "But that means we'll have to go through Eagler's estate. He's a Caelin general, probably under the work of Lungdren."

Kent then proceeded to yell at his companion for lowering Lyn's spirits. I walked out then. I gave a braceelet to Serra. Using a lame excuse of course. I said, "Serra, I'm gonna give you this gold bracelet, for being such a good employer."

Serra immediately grabs the bracelet and puts it on. I start to take out the Shock Box as she said, "Oh Erky! You shouldn't ha-- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Button pushed. I'm having fun already. Looking at Serra crispy with smoke rising is just TOO fun! She tried to take the bracelet off, but it stuck and I pressed the button again. I gotta show Matt this. As a matter of fact, he was just passing by. I decided to show him. "HOLY CRAP!" He said when I explained it, "I just HAVE to try this!"

I laughed and said, "Feel free." Handing over the Shock Box.

Matt pushed the button and Serra let out another scream. Dorcas came over and said, "What's with Serra screaming?"

I said, "We're shocking her! Want to try?"

Dorcas smirked and said, "Sure." Obviously, Serra was not very well liked in this army.

Suddenly Zach came over and said, "Oooooo... Shiny red button..."

You can guess what happened next. Well, Zach treated her worse than we did, he was just having too much fun oushing the button. After we got Zach to stop killing Serra, no matter how uch we wanted it. Sain came over. Luckily, he didn't notice the crispy, smoking corpse that was Serra's. After that, a knight in... not so shining armor, but a very shiny head, came over to Lyn. "You are Lyndis I assume?" His voice boomed throughout our ranks.

Lyn got all wise-ass and said, "And if I am?"

Kent and Sain looked dumbfounded. "Lord Wallace! What the hell are you doing! I thought you were retired!" Kent exclaimed.

Wallace looked towards Kent and Sain and said, "I am. But then Lungdren told me to get off my fat ass and capture a person claiming to be Lyndis and two traitors. But that was five years ago."

Lyn looked him in the eyes. "My name is Lyndis, that is no lie, fatass!"

Wallace then got fire burning in his eyes. "FAT! Okay, I am a tad overweight..."

I swore I heard Sain mumble, "My ass..." under his breath, but Wallace didn't notice.

Wallace continued, "But I can see it in your bo- err... eyes... that is no lie. Gwahaha! I'm pleging my Loyalty to Caelin once more!"

Kent looked dumbstruck. He said, "Lord Wallace... You're really going to join us?"

"Yup!"

Sain laughed and said, "He hasn't changed at all!"

Lyn looked at Sain and said, "He's honest. I like that."

Kent agreed. However, before the battle started, Zach was latching himself onto Wallaces belt screaming, "SHINY!"

Wallace laughed and said, "It seems you noticed my Knights Crest! Once I use it, I'll become a better, faster, Tank! Let me use it? please?"

"NO! SHINY!"

Wallace said, "Yeah!", kicked Zach in the crotch, and used his knight's crest.

The effect was... weird. Lightning came down and struck him, and his armor got more layers, his spear got bigger, and he could use axes. Oh yeah, and he somehow got faster. Wallace laughed and said, "HAHAHAHA! Now, a giant walks among you! Have enemies break their weapons against me!"

Then, suddenly, a bunch of enemy soldiers came out, and a skirmish engaged. I was sent with a small troop consiting of Matt, Dorcas, and I to head north and go around the mountains, bringing up the northern flank. Lyn & co would go west and engage Eagler. Well, the fight started. Matt, Dorcas and I ran through some forests, killing soldiers. Then, there came a fort at a not-so-strategical chokepoint that Zach wanted us to seige. Our strategy: Screw it. We just ran inside and split up, I was burning up soldiers, while Matt ran around stealing and killing people while Dorcas killed more people. After about 15 minutes, the fort was nearly seized. I was just about to murder the leader, when my fire tome ran out. I cursed, but then Matt came by and slit the leader's throat, killing him. Matt then tossed me a new Fire tome and a Thunder tome, from the weapon storage no doubt. Dorcas led the way out, then around the mountains, cutting through tall hedges with his new Steel Axe. Eventually, we find Lyn's group stationed in a seige. I hit myself in the face. "Oh geez..." I said, "How did they get like that?"

Dorcas raised his Steel Axe and said, "Probably Zach, but we need to help them."

We then charge. I fry some soldiers to a crisp using my Thunder Tome, while Dorcas and Matt cut some to mincemeat. And Wallace was in action, cleaving enemies with his Axe. In no time at all, the forces surrounding Lyn's group was reduced to zero, and we charged at Eagler. Oddly enough, Wallace got their first. Wallace bellowed, "Eagler! You traitor!"

Eagler laughed very disturbingly and said, "Me? Traitor! MY ASS! You betrayed Lord Lungdren!"

"You betrayed Caelin! 'Cuz I fight for Caelin's Honor, not Lungdren's Lies!"

"Fine then! We shall fight!"

Sad thing is, they never did fight. Florina flew in, and using the picked up speed from her dive, got her Slim Lance stuck in Eagler, who was incoherently saying things and coughing blood. Luckily, Matt got a couple Slim Lances, and an Iron one too, from the fort we took over. Afterwards, Lyn was all Happy-happy-joy-joy, making Florina, Sain, and Wil like that, while Kent was hitting his head against a tree. Don't worry Kent, your not the only one... I think. Oh well. We start our march for Caelin.

Oh yeah! I forgot something!

Wallace: General of Caelin... well, he's retired. Easy to change sides, laughs a lot.

Friend: Dorcas, Matt, Lucius.

Ally: None

Neutral: Everyone elseexcept Serra

Foe: Serra

---

GoI: Finally! It's done!

Ivan: Your just being Lazy.

Erk: I agree.

Kratos: You finally updated this...

Judas: (staring at Leon)

Leon: (Staring at Judas)

GoI: Well... R&R!


	7. Ch 10: The Distant Plains

The Adventure of Erk

A Ghost of Ivan fic

Ch. 10- The Distant Plains

GoI: OMFG! I UPDATED THIS!

Erk: Yeah, nothing to go crazy over.

Ivan: Your stories still suck.

GoI: Shut up. Anyway, onto the fic!

Leon&Judas: GoI owns nothing.

---

We finally reached Caelin. This is where Lungdren is. Well, he'd do best to prepare for one major can of whoop-ass being unleashed on him.

Wait. Zach is directing the battle plan. We're gonna get our asses whooped. Well, we can only hope for the best. As we were walking to the area around Caelin Castle, Matthew and I were talking about the probable outcome. "We're all gonna get our asses kicked and rot." I said.

"Nah, we might win." Matt said.

"This is Zach we're talking about."

"Oh yeah. We're dead."

"Hmm? What is this conversation about?" A new voice said.

As Matt and I looked at the source of the voice, Matt said, "Who are you!"

I, however, realized who this was. "You!" I said, "You're the one who gave the shock... thing!"

The man simply scowled and said, "I'll bet that you've caused enough trouble, and I'd rather not be caught. What was this you said about dieing now?"

Matt shrugged and said, "Well, our tacticion's an idiot and we're fighting Caelin."

"Hmm. Take me to your leader. I'll see what I can do. Tactics is one of my strong points."

"Heh." I said, relieved, "Looks like we have a chance at survival."

After that, we took the guy to 'The Tent of Strategy', or rather the Tent Zach uses to discuss strategy... If by discuss you mean come up with something utterly retarded, get reprimanded by Lyn, and somehow come up with a plan that might work. As we get there, I shouted to the inside, "Hey, we have a visitor who wants to see you, Lyn!"

A sigh could be heard from the inside as Lyn said, "Come in!"

As Matt, the guy, and myself walk into the tent, I could see a map of the area laid out, and several scribbled out lines. Looks like they were here a while. Lyn looked at the guy and said, "And just who the hell are you?"

The guy simply smirked and said, "Ah, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Leon, a tactical genius if you will. I heard of your plight from these people, and though about lending a hand."

"And what outrageous fee are you going to ask for?"

"How does... free soud?"

"Hm? You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Tactical geniuses don't come cheap, am I right?"

"Ah yes, we don't. But how can I ignore your plight... Milady Lyndis?"

"What? How do you-"

"Your name was well spoken of throughout Lycia, especially Caelin. Not many enjoy Lungdren's rein. And Lyn is just so similar to Lyndis I could just assume that it was your real name."

"Okay, fine. Leon, use your tactical genius skills and come up with a plan."

"Hey... What about me!?" Zach whined.

"You're too stupid. Your plans are either stupid or will get everyone killed."

"Then prove it!"

"Your best plan- kill stuff. Your worst plan- Send Florina into a pit of archers."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

"That's just retarded. How the hell did you get this far with him?" Leon asked, sighing.

I simply said, "No one knows..."

Leon looked at the map a little, then said, "Hmm... I'm assuming that Florina is a pegasus knight, am I right?"

"Correct." Lyn answered.

"Then tell her to scout the area to find their approximate numbers. It'll help in the strategy making."

"Okay. I'll go get her now." Lyn said before leaving.

Leon looked at me, confused, and said, "Shouldn't she be staying...?"

I answer, saying, "Florina has androphobia."

Zach, who apparently heard this conversation, asked, "An...dro...pho...bia? What's that?"

"An unnormal fear of men."

"Yes." Leon said, killing the topic. "Now then, I'll assume the main strength will lie in their calvary, so we should have a heavily armored person to protect while archers and mages could rain attacks on them..."

The strategy making went on and on, but eventually there was a conclusion- an all-out charge, with some defensive additions. Ranged fighters would be staying behind the main fighting force. After a certain way through, it would change to a 'divide and conquer' type plan. It seemed kind of reckless, but it was well thought out by Leon. After that was over with, the battle finally started. Before that, though, Lyn said a few words, "Okay, this is our last battle together." She said, apparently coming up with this as she went. "Well, we might meet again, but what's the chances of that? Anyway, as this is our last battle, I don't want any of you dieing on me! We've come so far, and can't end this now! So... um... yeah... CHARGE!!!"

After that, everone charged... Except Wallace because he's just too damn slow. Lyn, Kent, Sain, and Dorcas were fighting fiercly on the front lines, with Matt covering their backs. After them, Wil, Rath, Lucius, and I were there, helping them out. And behind us was Wallace, who was just too slow to keep up, but I guess we won't need to fear an ambush due to reinforcements from the rear. Lyn was cutting down enemy after enemy mercilessly, although Kent and Sain still had some hesitation. I can uderstand them though. I'll assume it would be the same for me if Lord Pent decided to have all of his troops attampt to kill me. Not that I really like Pent's troops... But oh well. I cast a thunder spell at a cavalier heading twards Dorcas, and sent a fire spell at another one approaching Sain. Kent quickly stabbed one approaching Sain, who was busy attacking a sword user who was attacking Dorcas. Suprisingly, we made it to the dividing point with no casualties. Lyn took it upon herself to divide the teams. "Kent, Sain, Serra, Wil, Florina. and I will go this way and take on the main force. You guys go around, and we'll ambush them." Oh joy, I don't have to deal with stupid!

We cross a home-made bridge from a tree, courtesy of Dorcas, to a more civilized area. We pass through, and Dorcas cuts down another snag. We cross it and start to attack the fortress on the other side. One of the watchguards there yelled, "There! There they are!"

A rain of poorly shot arrows landed a few meters in front of us, and a few of the archers soon had arrows protruding from their heads. Dorcas cuts down soldiers guarding it, and everyone else runs in. As I was running through the halls, I heard most of the troops paniking. I think they were new recruits. Eventually, we had caused enough chaos in the fortress and the remaining soldiers surrendered. After that, we quickly ran to catch up with Lyn's group. Eventually we get there. One of the rear soldiers said, "Damn! This was just an ambush!"

Another soldier said, "Ah, damn... So the fortress has fallen under their own control... We can't be expecting reinforcements."

I quickly silenced a few by calling upon a thunder spell. Dorcas cleaved through a few of them with his axe, while Matt's dagger was used to skewer brains. Rath's arrows silenced a few of them also. Lucius called upon his holy magic to damage them, although he let Rath or me finish them off. It wasn't long before I saw Lyn cutting through soldiers with her sword... the Mani Katti, I think it was called. After we regrouped, I told Lyn about our accomplishments. "Lady Lyndis." I said, "We've seized a fortress a little to the south of here. Although it might have been reseized."

Lyn had a grin on her face, although it wasn't a happy grin, it was more of one of a person who was about to deal vengeance. "Lungdren... You're mine..."

Yeah, I think she's a psycopath. After the march to the castle, we find a sole knight blocking the entrance. Lyn quickly walked up to him and said, " Hey, you stupid bastard, get outta my way."

The knight said, "No, Lord Lungdren would ki- BLAHG!!!"

The knight slumped over, dead. He had an axe lodged in his skull. And a familiar laughing was heard... "Ha ha ha ha!" Wallace's voice boomed through our ranks. "It seems I still got some of the action! And that was some damn good exercise, ha ha!" After dislodging his axe, he turned to Lyn and said, "Milady, good luck."

Lyn walked into Caelin castle to find Lungdren waiting for her. "Lungdren! You monster!" Kyn said to him.

Lungdren only laughed and said, "Hah. You little wretch from Sacae, you don't belong here, Lycia is too good for you!"

"No! You bastard! You poison my grandfather, attempt to kill me, and now you insult my land!!?? YOU STUPID BASTARD! MAY YOU NEVER FEEL THE EMBRACE OF MOTHER EARTH AND FATHER SKY AGAIN!!!!!"

Lyn let out a shrill battle cry slashing Lungdren with the Mani Katti in fury, only to be knocked back but Lungdren's Silver Lance. Sain attampted to step in, but Kent held him back. "Kent!" Sain said, "What the hell are you doing!?"

"This is Milady Lyndis' fight. We won't interfere."

The fight was going on ever fiercly. Lungdren certainly had power, but Lyn's speed could not be matched by him. The fight was basically going on as a stalemate, neither side was able to land a good hit on the other. That is, until Lungdren pierced Lyn's side, I think it just barely missed anything important. Well, I hear two thuds, ther go Lucius and Serra. Now I must resist the urge to kick Serra. Not resisting very well though. Oh well, I'll kick her anyway. A few kicks later, Lyn attempted a daring move. I could tell i that it was risky, yet effective, just by what it looked like she was going to do. Removing her scabbard from her belt, she used it as a pole vault and managed to jump over Lungdren, and managed to give a nasty slash to his backside. "N-no..." Lungdren started to say. "Nothing more... th-than a savage from Sacae... The Caelin throne... should me mi- Gugh!!!"

Okay, that was really fucking gross. Did she shish-ka-bob his... liver? Or maybe a kidney? Whatever it was, it was skewered on her sword. Oh no, she's really pissed. I guess she doesn't take well to being called a savage. Note to self- Don't call Lyn a savage or insult Sacae. It will be suicide. Ugh, that's gross! We don't need you to start ripping out his still beat- oh, ugh, I feel like I'm gonna hurl... Oh, jeez, I'm glad Serra passed out... or maybe not... Well, I don't need puke on my cloak. No, I don't want to see his brain!!!! Well, not like I had much choice... Oh, she better not be planning to make a soup with that intestine... oh she's just chopping it up. Thourough in killing someone isn't she. I hear another thud. That must've been Florina. Well, since this is too damn gross, I'll start kicking Serra again... That feels so nice, kicking Serra. It makes me feel... so alive... Ah well. OH ST. ELIMINE! SHE IS NOT GOING TO- I'll speak up now..., "Uh, milady Lyndis... What about your grandfather?"

Lyn looked at me, and quickly ran around the castle, probably to her grandfather's room. Ugh... now to clean this mess. Kent sighs, while Sain looks like he's going to puke, and so does everyone else in various degrees. Rath seems to be the only one unaffected... Well, Lungdren did insult his homeland too... Okay, I think maybe Lyn should've changed before seeing her grandfather? It wouldbe weird if she walked in covered in blood and... internal fluids... and with other guts on her clothes. Yeah, she is a psycopath.

------------

(A/N: Due to my lack of updates for this- bonus part! This will be when Erk finally gets back to Pent's place in Etruria.)

Finally home. That mission took much too long. Well, the feast at Caelin was okay, but... Stupid kept pestering me and Lyn was STILL covered in Lungdren... seriously, what the hell? That scene even still disgusts me. It would probably disgust Lord Pent and Lady Louise, and that's saying something! When I finally get to the door, I start hitting it as hard as I can, in hopes that someone will hear me. After waiting a while with the door not opening, I start yelling "OPEN THE DOOR YOU DUMBFUCKS!!!"

Yeah, I'm that homesick. Not really, it's just that they're used to my calling others dumbfucks. I wait outside when the door finally opens. I sigh in relief while I look at my savior. Suprising, I didn't know them. It was a girl with light green hair that went just past her shoulders. She said, "I'm sorry, but Lord Pent is currently busy at the moment, so-"

"It's okay. I can tell him later." I said as I walked past her into the place.

"H-hey! You can't just barge in here!"

"Why not? I live here."

"Really? I have been Lord Pent's apprentice for the last few months, and this is my first time seeing you."

"No duh. I had to escourt the spawn of dragons, girl."

"My names not 'girl'! It's Cecilia!"

"Yeah whatever. I'll just tell Lord Pent I've returned when he finishes his stuff."

That was weird. I thought there could only be one apprentice at a time? Geez, I bet Pent thought I was dead... Oh well, he always was one to assume. Finally, I've reached my room. I think I'll just go in there and read General Compositional Theory of Anima Magic, starting with volume one. Yes, those were good books. Even though that would be my 10th time reading it... When I walk into my room, I was in for a big shock. Sitting on my bed was none other than Cecilia, reading General Compositional Theory of Anima Magic, Volume 8. I asked her, "What the fuck are you doing in my room?"

She glared at me, probably because I interrupted her reading, and said, "Your room? This is my room."

I sigh and said, "Okay... I really need to talk to Lord Pent..."

I leave 'my' room and go off to Pent's study. Having memorized the layout of Pent's home, it wasn't that hard. When I get to the door leading into Pent's study, I knock on the door. I hear Pent's voice saying, "Come in."

I open the door and say, "Lord Pent, what the fuck!?"

Pent gets a worried expression on his face and says, "Erk... oh... um... Damn... I didn't expect to see you. hehe..."

"Two questions. One- Why the FUCK did you make me escourt that pink-haired wretch!?"

"Well, it payed good, and would be a good chance to train your skills."

"But WHY THE FUCK HER!"

"I thought you two would get along!"

"GET ALONG WITH THAT FUCKER!? I THINK NOT!"

"Well, it was like that with Louise and I, so I thought..."

"Well, whatever. I got to hone my skills well enough... But now, question two- Cecilia."

"Well, you took so long I assumed you were dead!"

"And you certainly didn't think we would go off track?"

"Well, news in Lycia doesn't exactly reach Etruria fast!"

"Well, I'd guess you better go explaining everything to Cecilia now."

"Ugh... Fine..."

After Lord Pent and I walk through his home for a while, we come back to my room. Of course, Pent ignores all formalities and just swings the door open. Cecilia looked up from her book and said, "Lord Pent? What brings you here?"

Pent sighed and said, "Look... This person here is Erk. He's my apprentice. He was here before you. But I went off thinking he was dead and took you as an apprentice. Now, I expect both of you to behave like grown-ups and be able to share this room, okay."

There was a few moments of silence, until Cecilia and I yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK!!!???"

---

GoI: Yeah, took forever to update...

Erk: Geez...

Leon:...

Judas:...

Ivan: If you find any value in this piece of shit, review.

GoI: I don't think it's shit... And I know this wasn't as funny as the others. And to clear some things up-

Wallace got to castle Caelin by going through the mountains that are just below your starting point. I don't know how he did it either. And a cookie to whoever knows who Cecilia is. And finally- R&R!!


End file.
